Anxious No More #1 - Naming Our Anxiety (Dr. Kurt Bjorklund)

Senior Pastor Dr. Kurt Bjorklund begins a new message series entitled "Anxious No More," teaching about trusting God with all aspects of our lives.

Message Transcript - https://www.orchardhillchurch.com/blog-post/2024/8/5/anxious-no-more-1-naming-our-anxiety

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Transcript

Good morning. It's great to be together. Let's pray. God as we are gathered here today, I ask that you would speak to each of us, whatever our experience has been in recent days. I pray that my words would reflect your word in content, tone, and emphasis. We pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

You don't need to follow the news very closely to know that there's been an increase in reports about the increase in depression and anxiety among the emerging generation. It seems like there's stories everywhere about how people who are in their twenties, in their teens, or even in their thirties are experiencing greater levels of anxiety and depression than has been historically true. In one book, that came out recently by Jonathan Haidt called The Anxious Generation, he gives some statistics on this. Here's what he says all based on some different research.  

He says that the number of teenagers that are experiencing depression, and this is all since 2010, amounts to about 29% of every girl is depressed, according to this research. And it's up 145% since 2010. And of the boys, about 12% are depressed, up 161% since 2010. And then another way that he asked it is this idea of anxiety among college students, 24% of female college students say that they are experiencing anxiety, up 134% since 2010. And 20% of college aged men, would say that they're experiencing anxiety, up 106% since 2010. So just to understand that that's one in four college student girls, and one in five college student boys say anxiety is a significant issue in my life.

Then anxiety by age, it's up 139% among 18- to 25-year-olds, up 103% among 26- to 34-year-olds, and up 52% among 35- to 49-year-olds. If you're over 50, it is flat. You are no more anxious than you were in 2010. So, there's some good news if you're older. But those are some stark statistics. And I realize that just rattling off a bunch of stats make you go, okay, I guess this is an increased problem in our culture in some way, but chances are most of us either have experienced some significant anxiety or we know somebody who is experiencing some significant anxiety. And the experience of it is something that makes you grapple with the way that the world works and how you're experiencing it.

And so, we're going to take the month of August for a series of messages that we're calling Anxious No More. And it isn't that all anxiety is gone, but how to not live in the in the aftermath of this kind of anxiety. We're going to look at four different New Testament passages that address anxiety somewhat directly. Now, let me just say, as we begin, this is not meant to address clinical medical issues of anxiety. There is such a thing as anxiety that is chemically induced and needs to be addressed chemically. And if we try to apply spiritual or emotional solutions to a chemical issue, we won't get good results. But likewise, if we try to address spiritual and emotional issues with medicine, we won't necessarily get the results that we want. And I think in our day and age, far too often people look to a pill to solve a problem that is actually not chemical. And so, what we want to do is address this on a spiritual level. And so, if there's a chemical issue, you may still need that somewhere.

But the passage we're looking at today that you heard read is in Luke chapter ten, verses 38 through 42. It's the story of Jesus and his disciples traveling to a new town, and they're welcomed into Martha's home. And the way that hospitality worked in that day is when you welcome somebody into your home, hospitality was this duty. You felt as if it was the sacred obligation to provide for and take care of the people who entered your home. And so, Martha welcomes Jesus and his followers, his disciples, into her home. And just for comparison, when you welcome somebody into your home in that day, you didn't just run to Wal-Mart and pick out a few things and rustle it into a meal. You had to prepare in a way that was much more extensive than today.

We're told Martha was distracted by all of her preparation actions. The word for preparations there is the word “diakonia,” and it's a word that means service. And maybe you recognize it because often there's deacons or deaconess in churches, because it has this idea of a formal serving of God. So, she was distracted by a legitimate serving in terms of saying she was doing what was right and yet she was distracted by it.  

Here's Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus enjoying Jesus’ teaching. And Martha, it appears, gets a little agitated. And so, she goes over and confronts Jesus basically, saying don't you care that my sister left me to do all this work? Tell her to help me. Jesus responds. And how you hear these words probably says something about you because what he says is, “’Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ’you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

But my guess is some of us hear this and we think and imagine that Jesus says it more like this. Martha, Martha, you're worried and upset about so many things, but only a few are needed. Mary's chosen the better. Bad Martha. Good Mary. It's kind of how we hear this. And the problem with hearing it this way, is so often the way that this has been taught in churches, is be more like Mary and less like Martha because Mary's good, and Martha is bad. 

But here's the question that I have for you. Is that really the point that Jesus is making? Is that helpful when it comes to anxiety? And not only that, whose house do you want to go to for dinner? I mean, the truth is, you want to go to Martha's house, right? Because the dinner is going to be better. And probably some of us, maybe it’s more about me, but some of us identify with Martha a little easier than we do with Mary because we say, well, stuff has to get done. Don't just sit there and listen to Jesus. I mean, come on.

Here's what I think is true. And if you've been around Orchard Hill, you've heard me say this, rarely is the point of a Bible story be like one of the characters or don't be like one of the other characters. It's usually used to paint kind of a tapestry of something bigger. I believe Jesus is using this encounter to show us something about anxiety. And so, what I'd like to do is I'd like to talk about the cause of anxiety that I think we can see in this text, the cost of anxiety, and then the cure for anxiety. 

So first, the cause of anxiety and what I would say first, just as we start to think about this, is that anxiety happens in the gap between our experiences and our expectations. Here's how this often works. You have an experience in life, something that you experience, and you have an expectation. You say, but this is what I want. And wherever there's a gap, that's where you have this anxiety that says if I don't get to the expectation, then my life is somehow less than it should be.

So, for example, the statistics say that it's often an emerging generation issue. If you're in an emerging generation and you say, well, I just want people at school to like me, so you go to school with that expectation and then your experience is well, there are some people who don't like me. Well, if somebody is older, they're like, well, get over it, you know, they'll graduate, it'll move on. But that isn't helpful in the moment, and you start to say I need to somehow make these people like me.

You get married and you say I have this expectation about what the marriage will be like, what my spouse will be like, what he'll do, or what she'll do. And then you have this experience, and you start to say I'm anxious because it isn't the way that I dreamed of it. You go to work somewhere, and you say well, my career is going to be fulfilling in these ways. And then all of a sudden, it's like this, and you get anxious, and say it has to be something different. You have kids and you want your kids to thrive, and your kids make some choices that aren't what you expect. And you start to say maybe if, and you get anxious about it. And when that happens, your anxiety is something that you start to feel in a profound way.

And what we see in this story, I believe, is some of the ways that anxiety was experienced, partly because Martha, I think, excepted herself to be there for others. This is part of verse 38 in this expectation of hospitality, and it says, “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.” The phrase opened her home to them could also be welcomed them. And again, this is the implied idea of hospitality, and coming along with this hospitality was approval because it was a social custom that you opened your home and demonstrated impeccable hospitality. She wanted the approval not just of the guests, but probably of the other people in the town who are like, look at that Martha, that Martha crushed it hosting all those people.

And then there was probably a little bit of an expectation of perfection because she was opening her home. She had this idea of what it would be like and what she probably wanted was people to, when they were done, say, wow, that meal, Martha, how did you do it? If you've ever hosted people, you know how this is. You work at something and what you want is you just simply want them to say, wow, thank you. That was amazing.

Probably along with this was a little bit of an expectation of control. I say this because in verse 40 it says Martha was distracted by all of the preparations that had to be made, and she came to him and asked, Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself, tell her to help me. And what she wanted was a little bit of this moment of saying, I know how this should go, and Mary should help me.

Then I think there's also an expectation to be right. This is maybe harder to see in our naivety. But when it says, and she came to him and asked him, the word that is in the original language is kind of like she came and stood over him. So, if Jesus was seated having a conversation with Mary and the others, it's like Martha comes over and is like, tell my sister that she should help me because I know how this should go. I know what this should be like. And so, what you have here is this expectation to be there for others, to get approval, to have perfection, to be in control, and to be right, to be able to make things right.

Steve Cuss, in his book called The Expectation Gap writes about this, and here's what he said. “Each false need is a giant carrot dangling forever out of reach. We'll never be in control. We'll never do it perfectly. We'll never know all there is to know. We'll never be there for everyone, and we'll never get everyone to like us. Our chronic anxiety pushes us to strive for something that cannot be attained.”

You see, what happens for many of us is we have these expectations, and even if they're realistic, what's behind the expectation is one of these types of needs and it can't be attained. And here's why. Steve just makes this point in his book, and that is each of those five things are actually things that are true of God and not intended to be true of us. We're not intended to be perfect. We're not intended to be in control. We're not intended to always be liked by everybody. But God in His perfection is in control, is perfect, and can be there perfectly for everybody. But what we often do is we want to be godlike and that causes some of our anxiety.

So, what's the cost of anxiety when we see three different words that are used in the text? Here are the words that we see. It says in verse 40 that Martha was distracted by all of the preparations. And then Jesus in talking to Martha says you are worried, in verse 41, and upset about many things. We get the word distracted, worried, which is the word anxiety, and then we get the word upset. So, let me just ask you, do you want to be known as the person who is distracted, worried, and upset? I mean, of course you don't. Nobody wakes up and says you know what I'm going for today, distracted, worried, and upset. That's what I want to be today, and I want everyone in my life to feel that. That is what happens when you live with chronic anxiety. By the way, the word here for upset is the only place that's used in the New Testament.

The New American Standard translates it bothered. It means to be just agitated, stirred up. Now there is a healthy fear. Healthy fear is when you have something that's specific and it works as a warning sign to say be aware this is a problem. And when unhealthy fear becomes anxiety, it becomes diffused where it isn’t specific to one thing, but it's just a general sense of saying this is something I'm afraid of.

So, for example, if you're lying in bed at night, you hear glass break, it startles you awake, and you wake up with a sense of fear, that's healthy fear because you're saying there's something wrong, and I need to address this. That's a good fear. But if you go to bed every night saying maybe something bad will happen while I sleep, that is anxiety that becomes unhealthy in your life.

But there's some other part of the cost here than just our emotional kind of journey. And we see this because Jesus in verse 42 says this. He says, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” So, Martha has been serving, trying to do all this stuff, and he says Mary's chosen what is better. You see, sometimes our anxiety causes us to miss what's most important, to miss what's most essential, because we're worried about other stuff and we're letting the other stuff keep us from what is most essential.

One of my sons got married last weekend, and so we had a great time with our family. The wedding reception was in this barn. And I tell you this because that has bearing on this. They were married in the Chapel here in Wexford, and I officiated, which was a joy for me. Then we went to this barn for this reception. And when you go to a barn instead of a reception venue, it means that the groom's family responsibility, beverage service, is a little different because you don't just pay, and they take care of it. You have to actually think about it, bring it, secure it, and take care of the whole thing. And so, beverage service was on me.

I have this, this moment where I'm at the reception and you know, I had gone out there in the morning, I'd gotten all the stuff there, I had made sure that everything was there in recipes and things, and there were some problems with how the service was going. And I'm doing this, and oh, I got to take care of this. And I just had that moment, I thought, I am missing the moment of celebrating with my son because I'm anxious, distracted, and agitated over the beverage service. Now, that's a goofy example because, I mean, somebody had to do it, right? I mean, it wasn't the kind of thing that you could just say, I'm just sitting at Jesus’ feet, let the beverages work themselves out. Although according to the Bible, maybe it would have been better. But what I'm saying is it is easy to miss your current best moments because you're agitated and worried, and that is part of the cost of anxiety.

So, what's the cure? Or cure might be a strong word because anxiety is something that is part of our life, and sometimes it can be a healthy warning sign that something isn't right. But what we tend to do if we go back to this picture is we tend to say that my way of addressing anxiety is either to lower my expectations or to change my experience. So, either the way that we tend to work at this is to say, let me not expect as much so that I don't have anxiety about anything or let me make sure that my experience is raised up. Now, of course, you're going to work to make your experiences as positive as you can, but the problem with this is that it doesn't address us at a heart level. And if you don't address it at a heart level, what happens is you may get slightly better results for a while, but all you're doing is pushing the problem to the next thing.

I mentioned Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation. I often, if I quote a book, will just kind of joke and say, let me give you the bottom line so you don't need to buy it. So, here's his bottom line, Jonathan Haidt, his answer to the anxious generation. Now he does have a chapter on spirituality, general spirituality, like how that can help. But at the end of the book, here are his recommendations. “No smartphones before high school, no social media before your 16, phone free schools, and more unsupervised play, independent play for kids.”

Now, those might be great recommendations, but you know what? Again, they're missing the heart because you cannot simply say, let me take something out and expect it to address the heart. Now, no social media and phones are contributing to the anxiety of our young people. Maybe that's an okay solution. But what I'm saying is that isn't the solution to go outside in. What we actually need to do is what Jesus says and that is, in a sense, Mary has chosen what is better. What did she do? She sat at Jesus’ feet.

Now, what does it mean? Or why is it helpful to think about sitting at Jesus feet? Well, if the cause of anxiety is that I'm trying to be like God, then maybe the cure for anxiety is to remind myself through an encounter with God that I'm not God, and God is God. There is a God, and God is good, and He's for me. Instead of simply living with the idea that I have to solve every problem.

There's a school in Pennsylvania known as Penn State. Maybe you've heard of it. And they did some research on anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder a couple of years ago. It's the second-best institution in our state, I hear. And you're still with me. That's good. And so, what they did is they asked people who had anxiety to tell their anxieties to the research team. Every day they'd get these text messages saying what are you anxious about? And they would record these anxieties of what they had. Here's what they found over a series of representations. They need to do some more research, they said. But 91% of the things that their participants were worried about never came true. And of the things that did come true, a third of them worked out better than they anticipated.

Now, here again, let me just tell you why I tell you this in part to say, nine out of ten things that you're worried about won't come true. And, you know, a third of the things that do will work out better. But if you have a little Martha in you, here's what's going through your mind. That still leaves about 6% or 7% that turn out pretty poorly. That doesn't help me. And again, the reason I say this is because the answer isn't to simply psych yourself into there's nothing bad, but it's saying there is a God, I'm not God and because I'm not God, that's good. Because God is the one who actually cares and knows how to address what is going on in my life.

If you're a follower of Jesus who's come and said, Jesus, I know that you went to the cross for my sin. I trust you with my eternity. Why would you then hold on to worry about something much less than your eternity, as if God didn't see it and didn't care. And so, what brings some freedom is coming, and I call this naming your anxieties and saying, God, this is where I'm anxious. Maybe even why I'm anxious is because I want to be in control. I want to be perfect. I want to be liked. I want one of these things to happen. And then to say, but I'm not God and because I'm not God, I don't need to be those things, but you are in charge.

I don't know if this would be obvious to you, but sometimes I get anxious about things around Orchard Hill. And one of those times of the year is Christmas. Here's what happens to me somewhere in November as I start to say, nobody's going to come, it's going to stink, and I have nothing to say. And so, I can work myself into this Christmas disaster scenario for the church. And I have other disaster scenarios. I'll just talk about this one now. I could say, okay, according to the esteemed Penn State University, nine out of ten Christmases will be just fine. I can say, well, you know, okay, let's work harder to make sure that you take care of it.

But you see what I'm not doing? I'm not sitting at Jesus’ feet if I do that and saying God actually cares more about the health of Orchard Hill Church than I do, and I care deeply about it. God cares more about what you care about than you care. He cares more about your health, more about your family, more about your kids, more about your marriage, and more about your finances than you do. If you can sit at Jesus’ feet and say, God, I have been anxious about this because I've been trying to take control. I've been trying to be perfect. I've been trying to know everything. But you are God, you know, you are perfect, and you care more about this than I do, and you are the one who is with me and for me. Then you will be able to say I don't need to live with an ongoing anxiety because I know who God is. And so, sitting at Jesus feet is really the acknowledgment that you're not God, and you don't need to be perfect, but there is a God who is for you and with you.

If you've been around church for a long time, that's probably a message that you kind of know, but it's easy to forget. But if you're just kind of checking out church again after some time away, maybe you hear this and you say, I kind of wish that were true, but I'm not sure. It hasn't been my experience. Can I just encourage you to examine who Jesus is, maybe just these next few weeks here at Orchard Hill. Just say I want to consider anxiety because anxiety impacts the person of faith, just like the person who says, I'm kind of trying to figure it out. But the solution is not simply saying let me take care of every eventuality. It's in saying there's a God who's greater than me. I don't have to be responsible for every eventuality. And that can be true for you if you come to faith in Jesus Christ and say, God, I know that my way, my sin is offensive to you. But Jesus died so that I could have eternal life, not just eternal life with one day, but that you can be my God, here and now. And when that becomes true, then you can begin the process of naming your anxiety and sitting at Jesus’ feet.

So, let me just ask you for a moment to bow your heads, close your eyes, and I'd like to just lead you in a moment of prayer and prompt you just to pray in some areas. And so first, let me just ask you to go ahead and just name to God where you've been anxious lately and say, God, this is what I've been grappling with and wishing it we're better, different. And if you're able maybe even say God, and I know behind that has been my desire for maybe being in control or perfect or being admired.

Now, I want to just encourage you to affirm to God that he cares more about that thing than you do and affirm to God that you don't need to be godlike in your management of that thing. But because He is God, you can leave it with him because he cares more for you, and he is with and for you in your journey.

God, I thank you that you don't scold us for being anxious, but instead you invite us to sit at your feet and taste your goodness. And I pray that we would move in that direction rather than holding our anxieties close to our lives in a way that makes us distracted, upset, and agitated. We pray this today in Jesus’ name. Amen. Thanks for being here. Have a great week.